someone get that fucking seahorse.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize