put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
