the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
FUCK WHALES
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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