Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
