I think i peed on brittanys purse
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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