I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
