You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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