i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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