and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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