i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
