You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
