i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
