I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
