I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
