I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
