I have demons in me.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
