my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
