Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
