Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
