I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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