ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
