smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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