I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
