you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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