Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
