I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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