Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
