I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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