he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
