I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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