The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
