ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
