Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
