Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
