dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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