Kiss
Puke
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
