Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
