I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
