I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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