My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
