I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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