i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
