Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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