Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
