In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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