Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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