I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
