I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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