the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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