last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
