mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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