apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
