you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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