do herpes really smell.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
