Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
