I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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