I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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