it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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