It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
