I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
