I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
