I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
