I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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