Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Randomize
