i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
